found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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