I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
