Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
