They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
