Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
