sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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