i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
