areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
