why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
