your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
