It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
