I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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