What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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