I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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