he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
