I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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