So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
