This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
