Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
