Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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