Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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