Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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