no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
