The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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