not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
