i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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