if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
