Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
