I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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