im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
