we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
