They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
