I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
smell my finger.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
