I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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