So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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