Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Damn victory sex feels great
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize