My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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