My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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