My pussy is not your playground.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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