I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
