I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think my moral compass just broke
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