i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
