I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
