Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
