there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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