it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
