I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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