I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
