Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
