My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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