I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
