I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
