somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
