i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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