dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize