i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
