Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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