And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
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There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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