i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
