FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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