The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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