i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She bit a glass in half.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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