We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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