I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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