pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
