i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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