Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
