I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
