If i come over, it means nothing
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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