I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize